please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
