My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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