I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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