I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
