YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
