Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
