We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
worst night to have a conscience
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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