Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has the fingertips of a God
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
