I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
