So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
