very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
