I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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