I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My feet surprised me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
