I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
