dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is Oprah even human
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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