Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
