I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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