They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
