can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
