I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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