i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
