if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
