you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
