You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
