The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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