in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
