My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you would pick up someone in the library
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
