I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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