fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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