I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
