It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
