I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
