How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
