She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
