Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
