theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
