He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
