i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
