you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
