So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
