the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
