A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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