I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
