Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
