so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
