party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I need moral support for this bender
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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