We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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