There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's never too late to be topless.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
