Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
