dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yo dont text me then not text me
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
