HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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