Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
