If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
