My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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