More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
